smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
