mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
