what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
a search helicopter?!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
