I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
