eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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