idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
