I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
