he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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