Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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