She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
