so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
