I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
