eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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