Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
