remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
