I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
