This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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