so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
