I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
