Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
