we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
