yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
