the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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