I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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