i wish my penis had a tongue
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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