hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
