theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
