I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
