Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
