sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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