i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
