I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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