I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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