if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just found puke in my bra..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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