I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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