if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what day is it and did you see me today?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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