I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
