Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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