i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
