I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tell her she can't have a vagina
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
