I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
