He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
