don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
