forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
