and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
