Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
