that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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