forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
