i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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