Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
