His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize
