So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
