I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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