I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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