Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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