I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
